Diary Entries

Living in a world that has become so small Half faces and not a smile to be seen The travel bug bites But I cannot scratch the itch Family and friends are now nothing more Than faces on a screen The world is so quiet now It’s like a strange dream We extract ourselves from The glowing screens To indulge ourselves in “exercise” Down the roads we pace With children, dogs or “One other” in tow Our only option to beyond Our own gates and feel The breeze on our face Back to our screens we go To see what the numbers are Today Checking the map Watching the dots creep closer No sign of release

The first lockdown began shortly after we had moved house. We probably bought the cheapest habitable house in our suburb and there has been a lot to keep us busy, especially in the garden as we attempt to convert the backyard into something closer to the native landscape over the back fence. There has been plenty of time for contemplation as we have pruned, weeded and dug. I have thought a lot about the past, thinking of the earlier pandemic, and found myself doing a bit of digging online as well. My mother is 90 and in poor health but with an amazing memory. She recalls a visit to a house in Pymble when she was a very young child. Her mother had emigrated from Scotland and was 'in service' to a family who owned a department store in the city prior to her marriage. The visit was to the enmployers' home near Pymble station. Searching newspapers for information about the family and their house has also led me to descriptions of the area I now live in from earlier times. I unearthed some large oyster shells in the yard after I had read a description of local Aboriginal people bringing seafood from around Cowan to trade with the Europeans now living on their land. I have also ...

Death in the time of COVID in a LGA of concern My 89 year old father died on September 4th 2021 after 3 weeks of hospitalisation. As the ambulance pulled away from the Nursing Home I was told I could not visit the hospital due to strict COVID restrictions. If Dad was seriously ill, one person would be allowed to visit. If Dad became terminal, his direct children only, will be allowed to visit. Ring the hospital in about 2 hours to get an update. Who knew it would be good news not to be allowed to visit your Dad in hospital? Dad deteriorated and I was allowed in to visit. Every day I go through screening, identify that I am allowed to enter and wear my mask. The public hospital is buzzing. The aged care ward is busy and understaffed. An old woman wanders all day entering all rooms and taking things from peoples’ trays. There is no way to monitor her continually for her mild thieving let alone ensuring social distancing and infection control. With much negotiation on a Sunday, I succeeded to get my brother in for a visit for one day. I am not allowed in on this day. One visitor only. They get some precious time alone together. Dad responds to treatment and is transferred to ...

Life has been online for me,as i try to make an income teaching language to a group of 9.1k members on facebook.I have done a crash course on the grammatical breakdown of the language,something i didn't learn with English,but i did do some grammar study when i lived in Brasil and was learning Portugese out of necessity,in a library ,reading books on the verb system and male and female or'a' and'o'. Anyway up until last week i had been drinking coffee excessively,4 cups a day and reading until 3am most nights,now i'm up by 5.30am and jogging around the park and i feel i'm in a better place mentally,physically and spiritually. I am also doing baritone vocal warmups each morning and trumpet,which is something i stopped when lockdown started.

I have mixed feelings about living through Sydney's long lockdown of 2021. I live with my husband of over 30 years & lucky for us, our daughter and her new husband are staying with us while they're in-between houses (their new place will be ready before Christmas they hope!). I say 'lucky for us' because I think having their company has been a huge silver lining to our lockdown experience. We might have gone mad if it was just the two of us! Thankful for their youthful company. All 4 of us have worked throughout the Covid19 Pandemic, working from home during lockdowns. Lots of video-meetings, phone calls and interacting with laptops. We are eating more treats (ice-cream & chocolate) and drinking more alcohol than we normally would....I guess we feel like we deserve these treats because we are being deprived of so many other things. We are all walking lots. In the morning for coffee, at lunch to stretch our legs...luckily we have a National Park within walking distance and we have been discovering some lovely walking trails that we've never seen before. We miss seeing our 2 grown sons and their partners. They live in Sydney too but in other LGA's. We all join ...

I'm not sure which part of me likes lockdown but it does. It seems to savour the stillness of each day even though most of me likes loud music and dark dancefloors. And yet here I am, day in day out, absorbing the sun and the rain like an immobile plant. Perhaps that's why I notice growth spurts in my offspring, because normally we are never static enough to see them. But now we are like a time-lapse recording; stay in one place long enough and you'll capture minute movements. Perhaps lockdown has amplified the beauty of growth - the tiny incremental spurts of change that regularly go unnoticed. Stay still enough and you'll even notice the quiet musings of your mind.

Cutting down on going out to buy,buy,buy - has focused us more on what is happening locally; - what is happening in our immediate surrounds; - happening inside passers-by -> It's in the eyes. When we do make eye contact, notice subtle body language that says: "Haven't seen you in aaaaages ! " ... then it's time to stop, chat, connect in "these times" ... with someone we wouldn't have had the opportunity to connect with in the "old days" two years ago.

I haven't submitted an entry in a while. I thought The Diary Files had ended. I tried to submit an entry and couldn't. On questioning a librarian told me The Diary Files had closed. That information was evidently incorrect. The biggest shock of this last week has been the decision to form an alliance with the US and the UK for the procurement of submarines and to end the contract with France. I have French friends and this past week I have been apologising for the behaviour of the Australian government. We have been told that lockdown will end soon. I won't be rushing out to mingle in crowds though. Best to still take things gently. I have 2 elderly parents to try to protect and myself too. My whole family has been double vaccinated now except for my brother's 14 year old son who still needs to get his second dose. The younger ones had Pfizer and those of us over 60 had Astrazeneca which was what we were permitted to have. I was particularly nervous for my 93 year old father who has low platelets and other health issues too. I was also nervous for myself because at the moment I have health problems too. Well, it was Astrazeneca or possibly succumb ...

what if... What if I have forgotten how to do life? What if it is just too hard to talk to people, to juggle and schedule then reschedule, What if I lose the quiet, contemplative space? What if I can't remember how to dress appropriately for a specific event and don't know what to wear? What if I no longer can chat happily to strangers while I wait for a coffee? What if .............

I've felt the overwhelming frustration of lockdown this weekend and the ambivalence of the city reopening (too soon?). A desire to mingle with people, get drunk on gin and laughter. To sit in the sun and feel it's healing warmth on my skin. Emotions I've denied and suppressed for 94 days, some for years if I'm honest, have bubbled to the surface and I've no choice but to own them. Learn to work through them and release them. Then a few people have kind words, I see a photo of a baby clutching a blanket I made for her. A favourite podcast, Poetry Unbound, releases a new episode and Margaret Atwood's words wash over me. "All bread must be broken so it can be shared. Together we eat this earth." - All Bread by Margaret Atwood Day 95 will be different ...