Diary Entries

I love to shop. And this pandemic hasn't stopped me. I am just doing it differently, just like my favourite shops are doing things differently. It has become more personal, more thoughtful, even more enjoyable. It has become entertainment. The regular changing of a shop window with the changing season. I feel like it has been created just more me, with my colours, style and taste. A yellow and white check top with puffy sleeves, made picnic perfect with matching skirt. Window shopping is part of my weekday routine. An hour-long walk through the bush, coffee in hand, a warm 'good morning' to the regulars, the jovial banter 'oh you're late today' and pat of a friendly dog. Mask goes back on then the slow stroll back to the start, pass the windows full of misshapen hand-made vases, planters, boho rugs, draped hand-coloured leather bags, cotton linen maxi dresses in pink, black and beige, overpriced kids stuff and shoes well made for the foot of the mountains and beyond. Wonderful things filtered on Instagram, curated and brought to life behind floor to ceiling glass. First impressions count, the shop owners know so well. They see me coming.

I'm often awake at this time of the morning. Not a shift worker, just kinda always wake up. The silence at this hour is comforting, but also allows thoughts through. So I get up, grab a water, look outside, download my thoughts and go back to bed. My first grandchild was born on the 1st July 2021, and I retired from work on the 2nd July 2021, thinking that retirement for me will be making lots of trips to see bub and help my daughter navigate early motherhood. Not to be, was given the opportunity to see Sophia just once, she's now 12 weeks old, and whilst I can see the light at the end of the tunnel somehow I find it hard to be excited about it. I am hoping that this isn't a revolving door and we can find a way forward and out into a new way of life.

LOCK DOWN HAS BEEN AN INCONVENIENCE When one considers the number of people who have died or have been hospitalised, the number who have lost their job, their business or home due to the lock down, it puts into perspective that whilst our "concerns" are real to us, yet in the bigger picture they are but a minor inconvenience. -on 9/9 my wife and I celebrated the 58th anniversary of our meeting. She was 16 1/2 and it was her first day of work. Usually we would go somewhere for a special lunch, but not this year. Due to our "underlining health issues" we have not left home for 90 days, other than for medical appointments. The florist delivered a large arrangement and our children arranged for delivery of a meal. -our daughter and grandchildren live within 5K of us but in a "harder lock down" LGA, so we cannot see them -a son and daughter in-law recently moved to the USA, a work transfer for her, we could not see them off, or have a family function before they left -another son lives in our LGA, he is a nurse and has been dealing with Covid patients, he can sit on our front fence and talk to us whilst we sit on our veranda. -we are members of the local Senior's Club, my wife does charity knitting and I play table tennis twice a week. I am also the Treasurer. We miss the companionship provided by the club. -we have been unable to do our country drives, or visit OP shop, where I purchase most of my books. -we have been unable to fly to Melbourne to visit a granddaughter -all food has been purchased online, rather expensive as one tends to order extra "stuff" -country relatives have been unable to stay with us, we would normally have people here twice a year. My wife spends much of her time knitting, a major project being a multi coloured double bed blanket for a granddaughter. I read some 3/4 books a week, do the cooking, gardening and work on a model train layout, housework is shared. Once restriction are lifted most of the above mentioned concerns will be gone, and we shall be able to return to our activities, unlike many other people. We consider ourselves fortunate in that we are both fully vaccinated, our home is ours, we have a nice garden to sit in and most of our family is close by. Most importantly we have always been each other best friend, lock down has only strengthened that bond

Listen to my body It’s voice is quiet but strong Discover its quality Start to sing it’s song When I feel it waning Be kind, patient and curious And I will be gaining Self realisation

It’s dreary, so dreary. With so much anxiety and fear. And also a precious gift of stillness. But mostly dreary.

I love to read; therefore I visited the NSW State Library to search for good books.

3 lockdown haiku Distancing and fear But trees and green give us hope Hugs, not now but soon Friends, sister, lockdown Daily image share online Stories of our lives Park, dogs everywhere Four legged friendly fur balls Company for now

I'm being bitten by something. I can be sitting a chair or in bed and the next minute, I have a new bite. There must be at least 10 on my back, 4 on my neck, 2-3 behind and above my ear and 4 on my chest. I went to emergency and was sent home, saw a GP a few days later, same outcome. It's difficult when you're new to an area and you don't know what's what. I don't know if I should be concerned. I don't have a GP yet, I don't know any pharmacists and nobody knows me. I heard about Telehealth services today. Called them, not much help from them either. I guess a local expert could help but I haven't found one yet. The community's fb page has been the most helpful. They were able to tell me about Telehealth and the GP super clinic in Coffs Harbour. I have an appt there tomorrow. I guess we'll see...

Year of the Zero 2020 was less than brilliant. The word “triage” used in the same press release as “the elderly” or “our most vulnerable” upset me. No vaccine available then to under seventies! Then that threshold was broken and I was 69! Imagining myself on a trolley in a hospital corridor waiting to succumb sent me into inner panic! No one’s home for Christmas. Victoria lockdown. What if we go to Port Macquarie and they shut the state down. Misery at home! Chaotic Christmas FaceTime. Lovely. Suddenly AstraZenica becomes safe! Underlying health issues aside, I am on blood thinners. She’ll be right mate! Double Vaxxed I become! 2021 the year of the zeros. Grandson turns ten. Niece turns 30. Firstborn turns 50. Our 50th wedding anniversary. I turn 70. Plans for a family, multi generational gathering. Anticipation of connection with my children and theirs replaces completely, my uncharacteristic activity of baking! I commit myself to making notes on the daily press conference from Our Gladys from the start of July. Kidding myself I will publish them. Daily Facebook posts from July to late August. Word count gets to more than 15,000! Shouting obscenities at the television at 11.00 am each day takes its toll on the people with whom I live and I desist! The world does not need another “War and Peace”! LOCKDOWN - Victoria. No son and family. Sydney and Port Macquarie connections are able to attend the anniversary dinner. Restricted numbers. We manage a surprise trip to Port Macquarie for our beloved first born’s 50th. 70th birthday becomes a tsunami of flowers, masked deliveries and FaceTime. Tears, joy, crazy love on the internet across three generations. November is birthday month for our two younger grandsons. One of them will be ten. Not sure we’ll be there! Our year of Zeros is nearly over. Paradox is the word. Hopeful about what’s ahead Ambivalent about what might be. Thankful for essential workers. Disgusted with politicians and anti vaxxers! Clinging to memories of joy. Jettisoning rage and powerlessness! (I hope!) Grateful to be here

yo, have you eaten yet? Have you taken care of yourself lately, spoken with another hominid, fallen in a daze, or are you yet again just waiting for breakfast tomorrow? There’s no right or wrong way to live in a situation like lockdown. Whatever feelings swell and simmer during this time, there is no definitive answer as to what you or I should do to pass the time and subject ourselves to hopeless optimism. If the looming walls of the house aren’t tense enough, the ever-present climate crisis and racial injustice plastered at the bottom of the news banner every morning certainly doesn’t make anything better. All the convenient finger pointing has nurtured some stone still apathy that will for sure crumble into some otherworldly consequence in the distant future. Take it from the futile imagination of a naive gen z teen. I’d like to believe we can make shit happen amidst this placid emotional blockade. Our age is coming; but the idea of pretending to look after a melting mental state and saving the world from the last global calamity, all the while caring about nothing at all is so tempting. The goal isn’t to achieve the goal set and done, but to create a common commitment that we all can work towards. So go eat something nice. This interlude is for us to reflect on ourselves and begin to do things our way. You don’t have to socialise, but you certainly don’t need to be alone. This is our time, even while it started off with a small fizzle. We don’t need toxic positivity and checkups like ‘how are the millennials and gen z’s handling our mess? They’d be lazy immature if they’re not making change, and damned fools if they think they want to change my world view.’ from an older audience. So be apathetic. Be emotional. See things from both sides, create your own conclusion. No holding hands, but solemn nods to each other as we take a step towards taking the world into something governed by nothing but ruled by love, conquered with choice and possibilities, not a world where our generation must advance to a future with one path only. So take a break. No one’s waiting. This is our time now. And I think falafels are a good idea.