Diary Entries

Today, we walked through a national park. Of course, we knew there would be quite a number of people there but we thought, "What the heck?", and kept to our plan. It was a pleasant walk, although a bit chilly in some parts where the sun couldn't seem to go through. Our plan to walk out in the forest today was triggered by a documentary we watched yesterday, called Footprints: The Path Of Your Life. The film followed 10 men who agreed to walk the Camino de Santiago, a 500-mile, 40-day trek that would challenge their strength and faith. Motivated by their Catholic faith, these men were able to reach the goal they set out for -- the strengthening of their faith in Jesus, in each other and in themselves. We are not a very religious family but we do believe that there is a higher force above and beyond us that keeps our world and our lives intact, and connected with each other and with everything else around us. As we walked through the forest, there was constantly a sense of submission to the earth. The soil, the rocks, the trees, the wildlife, the rotting fauna, the subtle sounds, the distinct sights never seemed to end. The sense of self merged with the energies around us, and walking with this mindset has made us feel that it was not a long walk, and not a tiring hike. We didn't walk 500 miles, but the simple experience of being one with the earth, even for a short period of time, has given us energy much greater and much more meaningful than what we get from our egos.

Thought New Year was going to be quiet – but 1.30 am saw me dancing to 80s hits while husband and friends intermittently danced, drank and snoozed. 2020 was going to be a great year – I knew that because there were so many exciting plans. Our son was getting married in Bali in April and it was going to be small but wonderful gathering of friends and close family. In May I was jetting off overseas (business class of course) to the US for work. June would see us celebrating our Ruby Wedding anniversary. And in August my partner, of 40+ years, and I were going to be living it up cruising around Italy with a side trip to England tacked on to see other friends and family. Well that is what we were going to be doing….. What are we doing? Husband made redundant which probably now means retirement for him. Obviously, wedding is off until goodness knows when with our money being safely taken care of by a hotel that may not survive the crisis. I spend lots of time with colleagues in the US but instead of a business class trip, I’m talking to them by Skype at 6.30 am every day. And the anniversary celebrations and cruise; dim memories apart from when I resurrect the battle to get our money back from the travel providers. This was the year that I was going to lose that weight and hit the gym. Instead I bake at weekends and spend hours each day in front of a computer eating red velvet cupcakes while two daughters relieve the boredom of online studies doing damage to floorboards in online gym classes. I may not even see my son, who lives in Darwin, this year. Is it really only May?

We all know what the negatives have been in this horrendous pandemic – and whilst I have had some personal disappointments and setbacks, there have been plenty of positives. Having my daughters home: family dinners, family TV watching, trivial pursuit, arguments – we’re a family again Still having a job but not having to get up, wash hair, put on make-up, wear uncomfortable shoes, and waste 1.5 hours each day in gridlocked traffic Going through the house and sorting, tossing, cleaning, painting, fixing, organising Feeling that life is no longer out of control – and enjoying being ‘controlled’ Having the perfect excuse to not go to the gym and being able to choose not to do exercises I don’t feel like doing while on online exercise classes without feeling embarrassed Setting up Zoom chats with my overseas sister and brother and speaking to them more regularly than I have done in years Sorting out all the recipes I’ve cut out of newspapers and magazines for years – and actually trying them out Making delicious treats – which then only I eat but it doesn’t matter because I only wear tracksuit trousers now Being able to spend more time with, and play with, my new kitten Appreciating my lovely garden Saving money – no trips to restaurants, theatres, concerts, cinemas; no holidays or weekends away; no new clothes, no make-up Laughing at the creativity and humour of all the COVID19 jokes and memes

I wouldn't have thought that a ridiculously large pandemic like this would have side effects in both good and bad ways. When you sleep, your mind expands and your dreams suddenly become more vivid and meaningful. When people stay at home, their absence changes problems that we've been fretting about. The feeling that you don't have school tomorrow doesn't let you sleep well and you end up falling asleep at 2 in the morning. This crazy virus affected my schedule so much, I even forgot to put on my seat belt in the car because you don't have them on your sofa. Nonetheless, this is all going to come to an end and finally we'll be free. Ooh, just imagine where we would be right now if this virus never existed. Some of us would be running outside playing who-knows-what. Others would be shopping and getting the food that we at one point weren't able to find. And many of us would be going to school. Our fingers feel so close to brushing onto that. 🌹🕊

The early morning silence is broken by the bush birds, echoing through the valley. I slowly stir to this beautiful sound and for a few minutues life feels good. I roll over, my husband slumbers beside me and I register that my son is still asleep in his room down the hall just as a brush turkey jumps from a giant Blackbutt onto the roof, all is as it should be. Then reality slowly sets in and I become mindful that life is not as it should be.....it's just another COVID-19 day and nothing is really as it should be. I'm not getting up at 5:55AM to prepare breakfast and lunches for my family and help them get out the door by 7AM for the train to the city for work and school. All the time feeling a rush of excitement as I enjoy the thrill of watching my twelve year old son get ready for another day at the high school he worked so hard to get into and which he has enjoyed every minute of being a 'Form 1 Boy'! This is all before I face my day of a variety of creative and physical pursuits as I extend myself professionally and personally as well as caring for my home and family, a very satisfying and fulfilling life. Instead I'm faced with a day of managing home schooling and suffering my husband 'working from home' and not pursuing any of my previous endeavors, all cancelled or paused for the long term. How did this happen? When will it end? Will we still like each other when it's all over? Thank goodness for the beautiful bush birds and their constant presence in our changeable world.

We spent the last 8 weeks of self isolation fixing up the front of our house. What started as a simple paint job turned into a pretty big project with multiple trades and quotes needing to be managed through social distancing. After 8 weeks, we are nearly there, but not yet. My house is not ready to come out of isolation. We need a bit more time to finish off the last few things on the to do list or they will never get done.

Sometimes everything just feels extremely overwhelming. Lots of thoughts rush through my head all at once and I'm not sure where they go and what to think of them. So then I stop. And I organise those thoughts. I talk to someone about them. I stop what I'm doing and walk around the house. I think about all the possibilities of anything and everything. I feel grateful for all the little things. And then I get back to it! "Hop to it!"~ Peter Rabbit :D It's important to take short and frequent mental health breaks! - Isabella

I live near an east facing beach south of Sydney. Two images are imprinted on my mind, & I'm sure there are lots of media photos of these, but they each tell a tale. 1. Is of many a cruise ship permanently anchored off the coast shortly after the pandemic was declared. This tells of the uncertainties experienced by those on board, not knowing if they will be permitted onshore. It tells of the staff, many from other parts of the world who don't know if & when they will ever get home. It tells of the potential disasters & mismanagements of those ships docking and the apprehensions of all Australians. 2. Is of only a few weeks later when those boats had disappeared, only to be replaced by fuel tanker boats, also permanently moored.It portrays one aspect of the economic impact of the Covid 19 pandemic, when a barrel of oil was selling at a "negative" $30+ price, which more than unprecedented, would have previously been seen as only possible within the realms of a madman's mind. These ships were backloaded with aviation fuel and sent offshore to park, which not only reflects on the state of the aviation industry but of Australia's demonstrated lack of capability for storage. Our economic dependance on a "just in time' supply system had this peverse result, similar to so many other supply issues - toilet paper ( in a country with so many trees ), and flour ( in a country known for it's wheat production ) to mention just 2 others. Covid certainly got us thinking. And will we learn from it.

The days are getting colder and the nights are getting longer. The birds don't fly across the sky in masses anymore and the sunset is a cold red. The wind is icy. It makes my eyes water and my nose turn pink but I don't mind. I've always preferred the cold even though it makes me ache. It's a good kind of ache. It's all over your body and it takes your mind off any other pain you may be experiencing. I like that feeling. The cold winter often brings harsh winds. Which make my head pound and my hair fly rampant but I don't mind. Winter doesn't often bring snow on the ground. Not here. It sometimes leaves a frost on the grassy paddocks. But the frost is always gone before the sun is high. Winter turns the sun's golden shine into a cold glare. It doesn't warm the dirt anymore. It just watches coldly from its post. Winter often brings fire alive. As people desperately try to warm their homes. The golden flame of the fire taking the role of the now cold sun. Winter is often described as cold. But I think it's the warmest season of all. It shines light in the darkest places and thought the sky turns grey and the sun turns white; the cheeks and noses of children on the street turn pink. The loungeroom turns a glowing red with the flickering reflection of the fire. The breath of people late at night and early in the morning shows like smoke coming out of their mouths. It shows that they're living. You can see the air they breathe. That's why I like winter. Because I've never felt so alive.

Life in quarantine has so far been one of the strangest times of my life. Staying inside most days and doing online classes makes it feel like the same day every day, in routine. Wake up, start online classes, get my daily dose of exercise (so I'm not completely unfit by the time this is all over), do homework, eat, sleep, repeat. I have mixed feelings about online classes. I get to sleep in an hour later than if I had to go to school, and I enjoy staying at home and not having to travel all the way to school. But I think I much prefer going to school, as I feel much more productive and am not distracted with other things at home. Last term when this all started, I was not very organised and felt the workload pile up, but this term I have tried to be more organised; setting alarms for the bell times and following a schedule so I'm not overwhelmed and behind with all the work. I am very grateful that no one I know has coronavirus and it's almost like this is all an extremely long dream. I can't wait to go back to school, to meet all my friends again and to learn face to face. When this is all over I think I will look back and think about how strange being in quarantine was.