Diary Entries

It's strange that everything feels at a standstill, even now, even with restrictions lifting. I had a plan for this year, you know. I'd move from my parents' small-town to a place in the city; I'd work retail, I'd attend uni 3 times a week and become friends with the bus route until I could wave at the sidewalk. I'd sit in a new coffee shop for an hour every Sunday. It's strange that only 1 of those things has happened. Instead, I've started rollerskating. I trudge through online classes, but nothing feels consequential, so instead, I practice spinning with wheels on my feet to feel the rush of teaching myself something new. I've started thinking about religion again, something I'd ditched in the wake of adolescent angst at a catholic high-school. I wonder if I should start praying like I was taught or if my morning coffee and reflection is spiritual enough to get me some-place good. Either way, I catch myself eyeing the church across the road every time I walk to the shops. It's Anglican, not Catholic, but I'm sure Jesus wouldn't mind. When I get really lonely, I remember what it was like to go out dancing with my friends. I remember what it was like to move until your feet ached and to scream pop songs at each-other in the changing lights, everyone clutching each-other and laughing. When that becomes too much, I dress myself up and dance around my kitchen until I'm dizzy. It's nights like that when I feel like I'm living the life I'd planned, even if my pyjama pants don't match my heels.

I can’t stop thinking about all the individual stories in all the houses around the world that are affected by isolation. I don’t know what decision it was that set my wife and I up to experience peace in isolation. We had a tumultuous couple of years with disappointment and grief. Then, we were asked to isolate together for three months and we fell into a rhythm made possible by kindness, love and patience. The dogs loved our constant attention. We took them on more walks than ever before. They rested at our feet as we got used to working from home. Our home became our workspace and suddenly there was no delineation between home and work. Like obedient monkeys we sat down at the computer and started up our video calls from 9am-5pm. Sometimes, I would get irritable for no reason. My wife would say, ‘you know there is a worldwide pandemic happening? You’re doing a great job coping with all the changes. Be irritable and exhausted and tired. You don’t always have to smile. If you’re not feeling brave, I’ll be here.’ Then she would make me a cup of tea. Turns out we laugh more than before. We aren’t so busy and wrapped up in what should be happening. Instead, we take what is happening right now and do our best with it. I feel guilty and second guess how we can find such solace in solitude and then a friend will call or drop round. They smile at me and I realise I've paused a side of myself that needs the streets in our town to be filled with people so we can hug and share a story. This will pass but the memory of it may always remind me that slowing down is precious.

Ruby Princess Cruise ship with a royal name where on earth is your domain? When tourist dollars flex their might who cares if it is our right, to know where you go. Saying nothing when you departed for the Tasmin Sea. It's the Australian way to just let it be, for nothing can be changed when nothing’s to be gained for you and me. Good-bye Ruby Princess Who will pin the blame on you? If your covid cases grow, let the health inspectors know. Bon voyage! We’ll miss you. Transformed from a ship to a destination. The spread of covid causing consternation. One in ten cases from your disembarkation! Adding to the devastation twenty lives are lost. Oh what a cost! Good-bye Ruby Princess You should hang your head in shame With covid cases growing daily We will never miss you! Sydney waved you and your sisters away, your crews still languish in Manila bay. Stranded, some jump overboard, others in one last desperate accord, undertake a hunger strike. “Tickets now on sale to wherever I like!” Cruises set sail at the end of September “It’s the all you can eat buffet and casino I remember!” Good-bye Ruby Princess Who dare pin the blame on you? Record bookings taken daily Boy, we really miss you!

'Teaching After Lockdown' (continued) The frequent announcements of changes to the operation of schools have come with no consultation of teachers themselves, and have been published in the media for teachers to discover there at the same time as everyone else. The change to online teaching, planned to be the mode of delivery for the whole of Term Two, was so rapidly thrust on teachers, then discarded within weeks. Yes, teachers are a cranky bunch at the moment. Cranky and hysterical. (That's NOT 1.5 metres! There are TOO MANY people currently in the staffroom!) The funniest thing about all this is the ridiculous belief that children and young people are immune, or are not able to spread it, hence schools are safe to stay open. Q.E.D. Never mind that most teachers are not young. Students must all suddenly return to school because… there IS definitely a reason... Never mind that some preschools and schools in the state have recently been shut down due to confirmed cases. The REST of the schools in the state are immune. Never mind that there are reports of an increasing number of related (sometimes fatal) syndromes in children overseas. The children HERE are safe. These propaganda paradoxes are just a constant source of hilarity, HARDY HAR HAR. The most frightening thing about all this is that the inevitable spread of contagion in schools will mean further spread outside schools. There will be that one student or teacher, symptomless and unaware of their positive status, innocently brushing past dozens of people in narrow corridors in between classes, spreading the infection invisibly like a sleep-walking assassin. Their unintended victims will then travel home to their nearest and dearest harbouring an indiscriminate and unpredictable villain – a killer welcomed with open arms right into the hearth.

It had been so lonely, after so long at home. It was like a blurry dream from long ago finally coming to life. School. Never had I missed it so much. I leaped out of the car into the world of crisp air and blue skies I hadn't seen in so long. I hopped onto the school grounds and carefully observed the brick buildings towering above me as a wave of familiarity washed over me. I was half expecting to see cobwebs hanging from the walls and ghosts roaming the halls, but everything was still there. The smoothly paved carpark, the sturdy buildings. I ran my hands along the mortar creases between the pale orange bricks, peeped through the classroom windows, and yes, the wooden desks were still there, illuminated by the bright sunshine, plastic blue chairs waiting to be filled. It was as if nothing had changed. It seemed so bizarre, after all that had, and still continued to happen, that people could move on and act like nothing had changed. But I guess that's what humans are like. We'll experience all kinds of sorrow and pain, but when it's finally over, we'll move on like nothing. It was then that I spotted my friends in their creamy white buttoned shirts and brown skirts, huddled together in a circle, excitedly sharing greetings and catching up with each other's quarantined lives. When they saw me, they greeted me loudly, waving me over. I grinned as I ran to them. My smile was probably too big, my collar likely needed fixing, and I might've had forgotten my locker combination, but at that moment, I didn't care. I was back.

2020 has brought a range of interesting events. Some good, some bad. Things have been postponed, cancelled. When will this end. My life stuck at home has been no better. Leaving the house only for school. It is a burden on everyone. We need to stay strong together, get through this as one. My home is loud, but quiet. The typing of keys, and voices talking to customers. My family are busy, I'm left alone, to entertain, to cook for myself. The internet is painfully slow, buffering videos, or microphones not working. It's unbelievable that I haven't already eaten all of my candy stash( I eat it when I'm stressed or frustrated.) All these events has given me time to think of how strong our family bond is. Getting through this together, not losing our minds and shouting at each other. After this is over, I want to make sure that bond stays this strong, if not stronger.

School finally went back. It really just feels like I'm being dragged along by life, by this dumb epidemic. Hopefully things will all be okay soon. Having to clean everything over and over, having to sanitise my hands every single room I walk into in school. Social media is an absolute perfect place to hang out, and if I saw how many hours I've spent on Animal Crossing it would be way too many to be considered healthy. As things ease to be less and less restricted, being able to go places is quite fun. Shopping centres, restaurants, things are becoming much less restricted. On the other side, I can only hope that there isn't a second wave because people are careless.

My whole life has changed since COVID-19 lockdown started – physically and mentally. My once very busy retired life was abruptly halted in March and even though COVID-19 restrictions have eased in the last few weeks I am still unwilling to resume my former life. A sense of unease about being around other people keeps me at home. I have adjusted to my altered lifestyle and although being in the company of others has always been something I had liked; I am now coping without most of those social outings. I have ventured out for coffee mornings at cafes with friends but my phone and iPad have become my lifeline to keep in touch and entertained most of the time. I really missed the regular contact that I had with my friends and family. Hopefully that will gradually return once more restrictions are eased and the grandchildren’s sporting activities return. Even though I am less busy, the days go by quickly as I have a regular routine - walking each morning, an on-line exercise class, household chores and gardening fill the morning and the afternoons are generally free for reading, jigsaw puzzles, another walk, or spending time in the kitchen preparing meals or baking. This may sound quite boring, but for me it is a leisurely lifestyle that now suits me. Keeping fit has been important and I thank my lucky stars that there are so many options on line to satisfy my needs. Exercise not only keeps my body fit it also assists my wellbeing as a whole. It is so important for me to stay optimistic during these difficult times so I focus on the positives in my life. I’m grateful for each and every day and am thankful for the support of family and friends.

Look Closely You guessed my favourite colour. But between you and me, I never really had one. But I said you were right, And you smiled in childlike affection. And I never saw it the same way again. It’s in everything, I live in its essence. It’s the forest and the autumnal leaves, The soil in summer after it rains. It’s sunlight shining through your whiskey, The docility of my saccharine chocolate, And the bitterness of your black coffee. It’s my Nan’s old copper penny, And your Dad’s broken barn door. It’s the path where we first met. It’s in your deep sienna eyes, Abysmal depths of dark auburn. A shiver of golden light.

Fallen Flames High on emotions Fueled by rage The tension In his tightly wound body Greeted by A billowing cloud of smoke As he opened the door Into the fresh air