Diary Entries

COVID 19s bad and good only you can stay home . COVID 19 is very bad if you dont stay home you could get sick. COVID 19 sucks. COVID 19 is very bad indeed!!!!!!!!!

So COVID-19 has been a thing that’s made my life kind of … boring I haven’t been able to see any of my family since we live in different states, I haven’t been able to see my friends much other than school… its been really lonely and I didn’t have much to do but here in NSW its slowly clearing up and I’m very happy about that (btw corona is stupid).

TURNING 70, FEELING LOW Soon I'll be 70. Seven decades of existence is a miracle itself getting this far. There's not a day I miss saying my solemn gratitude to the ONE who breathed me life. Yet, I can't figure out why my happy hormone is depriving me this special feeling of perk-ness considering the exciting prospect of a family get-together on a weekend away to the mountains. Thanks to my daughters who organised it on my behalf. They gave me a hint: a weekend sleepover and winter warmers. All the rest are under wraps in the form of "surprise", whatever! Feeling low and slow, I abandon my packing. Suitcase and clothes are in disarray. They're screaming a protest, I heard them. My washing suffers too. I do wash by hands. My washing machine is barely new when one small external part went missing - I don't know how. Hence, my hand-washing days are far from over. I prefer it that way anyway. Only, it relies on my mood and duty of care. Occasionally, my youngest daughter would offer in taking my washing to her place and do them there. She lives an hour away from me. I ended up doing something else. I turn to reading instead. There's this WOMAN'S TREASURY hardbound British edition published in 1985 hiding in the closet. That's 35 year old book half my age. "A LIGHT ON THE MOORS" by Rachel Murray is actually a light love story written in synoptic essay of 3-1/2 pages. I rarely read novels in tome. Short stories are my forte. Reading done. The story ends well. I'm pleased! Now it's time to get back to my packing task. That's all the light I needed, perhaps; not necessarily a light coming from the moors.

It's the second day of the stage 4 lockdowns in Melbourne. I'm looking down the barrel of another 5 weeks and 5 days of this. Allowed out for excersise for an hour, once a day. Allowed to shop, within a 5Km radius, once a day. Curfews from 8pm til 5am.... no more late night shopping to avoid people. I live alone, except for the 3 nights a week I have my two children, Ingrid, 6 and Linus 2 stay with me. Their father keeps me abreast of what they're doing the rest of the time and I see Ingrid's schoolwork pop up in the Seesaw app her school uses and the many notifications that come through compass about her schools activity. It's good they're keeping me in the loop. I'm feeling depressed. Two months ago I broke up with the man I thought was the one. It turns out he isn't. I feel rejection and pain on top of the mixed emotions of loneliness and isolation that others feel. The grief and pain of loss is actually much greater than anything to do with the pandemic and I have spent days crying in the foetal position, grateful for the pandemic so I wouldn't have to do this in the toilets in my workplace. Does he miss me? Is he depressed too? Normal feelings for a breakup but compounded by the isolation of being alone. I'm OK, I'm happy, I've got this...... Today is my Dad's Birthday. It's 6 Degrees, It's sunny and it's hailed too. I had baked beans and bacon on toast for breakfast and I started a new podcast. Nice White Parents. Tonight I have a knitting group on Zoom & Pub Trivia Meetup after, also on Zoom. One day at a time...

Coved-19 has tormented many people. Some more than others. In my region we are VERY lucky, with not a high risk of catching the virus. Although I have gotten to know my sink and soap very well.

It started with the drought. At the start we had less rainfall and it slowly turned into a big, nasty drought. We went into water restrictions as a whole and even now, we are following them so that we have most of our water back. Farms and families around Australia got affected and we gave them help and other important things so that they could still live. We did it together! All of the work that we did then and that we are still doing now, we did it all together! While the drought was going, our bushfire season was worse than ever before, blazing down houses, forests and nature. Not to mention that so many humans and animals were killed as well. Fire fighters struggled through them and then Australians came and volunteered. Lots lost their lives to save others, others got caught in the fire. We gave the ones that evacuated love, support and money so that they had at least a little bit. For all the animals that got killed, we helped them, studied them and gave them all of the support that they needed. We came through it together, as one! Now we have Covid 19, a dreadful virus that is spreading throughout the world. So many people have died, families have suffered and others had a part time life in hospital. At first we didn't know what it was, just a highly contagious virus. At that time, animals couldn't get it, masks only lasted for 20 minutes and we didn't realise the full impact that it would have on the world. Then we started suffering. We went into online school learning, lockdown and rules like never before. We helped out by doing our duty and we are getting through it together. Everything was done together!

As I sit in my blank bedroom, I think to myself about the major events in my life. The events that made me who I am. It starts off with my brother passing away when he was born. Thats was nine years ago. I was never my old self again After that. And then it was the birth of my little brother. When I met him, the first words that came out of my mouth was “is he alive or dead?”. Heartbreaking I know. It wasn’t long after that, that he was diagnosed with a disability so rare it’s simply a number... 22q13.32 duplication. Imagine explaining that to your friends at the age of 9. It causes so many problems which result in 3 different types therapy most weeks. Things went down hill from there. My school grades got worse and my mental health got bad. I was doing counseling Just to keep me from crying every 2 seconds. I got diagnosed with Severe anxiety, depression and other mental things. I’m now 14 nearly 15 and I have a diagnosis for autism and adhd. Along with learning Disabilities Which make school very difficult. Cause I’m the weird kid at school and I sit with the seniors because I have no friends. My parents divorced a year ago. Dad wasn’t a good person sometimes. He’s getting better. I still hide out in my room playing video games or talking to my GF so I don’t have to see him. Some people say it’s great having 2 houses. It really isn’t most of the time. I wonder what it’s like being normal. I guess I will never know. But these events have made me who I am. I may cry every time it’s too noisy but that’s ok. I’m me. I’m ok

PANDEMIC SOLITUDE A quilt of quietness falls across the park birds silent at mid-day traffic subdued - whispers far away soft-soled shoes shuffle light through curling leaves Babes lie oblivious in their prams. Hounds pass - tongues withheld - obedient to the censure of their leads. Pigeons stalk with noiseless beaks on ballet-feet . A ball falls silent on the distant grass. Air currents quietly glide beneath a vault of blue rustling ageing leaves that hang above... nothing can remain unmoved for long. Surprising me - a Magpie at my feet eyes me - hopeful still. I do not move except my lips to thank him for his quiet presence till - solemnly he turns away... soundless and empty.

Bowral, NSW The pandemic is in a dire state in Melbourne and I think about my brother, in lockdown for 6 weeks, and with curfew after 8pm. He has had to move house and reacclimatise all of his chickens! There is mandatory mask wearing there now, and large fines are starting to be given. He says that people are taking the virus very seriously. Wattles are in bloom along the highway to the southern highlands. Snowdrops, jonquils and daffodils are popping up all over our garden beds - our backyard continues to delight and surprise in our first year here. The cherry blossom is still blooming soft and pink, and its dropped flowers look edible sprinkled over the lush green grass. Purple violets trail around the borders of the garden beds, and the daphne is in full flight, faintly perfuming the dark garden corner. We decide to go out for dinner. At the hotel door at Moss Vale, we give our names and numbers for possible future contact tracing. We enjoy food, wine and fire. It is simple but feels decadent. I regret having not dressed up. Russia claims suddenly that it has a COVID vaccine, but it seems too fast to be true. Has it been trialed? Has it been tested? Can it possibly be safe? I feel sorry for the Victorian Premier, fronting the media day after day, and fielding ongoing criticism about the handling of the pandemic. In New South Wales this second wave is now on the decline, with a stabilisation in numbers. According to the World Health Organisation, the United States has had 165, 995 deaths and Brazil 105, 463. The two highest. Australia has had 375. The state borders stay closed and I still don’t know anyone who has contracted the virus.

Staying mostly at home hoping to avoid the Covid virus means that I have an opportunity to read some of the 700 or so books in my collection. Like many collectors the point is to acquire the thing, not necessarily to read it. For example I have just about all the first editions of novels by Nevil Shute, Henry Handel Richardson, Eleanor Dark, M Barnard Eldershaw, Helen Simpson, etc., and have read almost none of them. So I've been reading them (among other things). I started with Shute's well known novel 'On the Beach'. I had seen the movie many years ago but had not read the book. I quickly found that it is hardly a suitable book to read during a global pandemic of a potentially fatal virus. Set in Melbourne in the 1960s the basic plot is that the northern hemisphere has been destroyed by a nuclear war and the radioactive clouds are slowly moving south. The residents of Melbourne have about 6 months before the radioactivity arrives and they all will die. He explores how different people cope with this sort of scenario. Excessive drinking is a common theme. A good read but not recommended at this time. I kept needing a drink, for one thing. So I have moved on to other Shute titles and other authors. My other reading from the collection is Australian history and I've now read quite enough about the convict system and bushrangers. I've certainly got enough books to keep me going for however long this pandemic lasts.