Diary Entries

Numbers are irrelevant. You know that when you start to count the months because it hardly seems possible that we are at the end of 2021. Really seems like we didn't have 2020- and this year? But numbers are thrown at us constantly: numbers of cases, deaths, vaccinated people once/twice, lockdowns... The shop I work in should open next week. We've barely kept afloat thanks to web and phone orders and I wonder how many other shops in the CBD will actually reopen? Though walking through the QVB there were hopeful signs: lights on in places that have been dark since late June, staff checking shelves and spreadsheets. Yet I wonder how on earth we are supposed to check all the customers are double-vaxxed before they come into the shops? Who of us are going to say no to customers with money and the desire to spend it, even if they are those most anti-social of all consumers, anti-vaxxers? Why are retail staff expected to be police? (Why should police be expected to do this either?)There have been no sensible instructions. Just numbers. And they are irrelevant...

5 days until lockdown ends, 34 days until the HSC. Our cohort has spent nearly 6 months in lockdown (March 2020, Avalon, Bondi), the entirety of our senior years with restrictions and I haven't hung out with my full friend group since the end of Year 10. There was no year 11 camp, end of year trip, trial exam, muck up day or any event that signalled the final years of our high school life. We've gained an extra month of preparation that has been taken over by extra online and in-person 'Term 5 class time'. This was all necessary for the wellbeing of everyone, and I wish it wasn't. I wish that everyone followed health orders and didn't feel like their DIY home renovation purchase from Bunnings was more important than everyone else. I wish that the first thing I saw on my feed every morning wasn't another video of Bondi Beach being packed without consequences during lockdown. And I can only hope that cases stabilise at 500 instead of skyrocketing the moment this minority of the population gain justification to party and break more rules.

Hi it's me again, Kristina. Last time I wrote, it was the 22nd of June 2020. A lot has happened since then. I'm now 55, still feeling hopeful, and where wearing a mask has become habitual, to me. I am double vaccinated, and working from home. My LGA has just recently been released, from the "5km radius from your home", rule and the cases are moving in the right direction, DOWN! The daily overhead helicopters have stopped, the 9pm-5am curfew has been lifted, and Covid safe picnics, are in vogue. Today we have reached the 70% mark of NSW being doubled "vaxed”, ahead of schedule. We are waiting for Our "Freedom Day ", on the 11th of October, where we will slowly emerge from our cocoons, out into the brightness, to begin the metered progress, back to "normality". What is normality?

I was writing something for this that was really depressing and philosophical but I got bummed out. Here is how I'm feeling; excited to get back to school and for lockdown to end; scared for how the world seems to be turning out; anxious thinking about life after graduation. Maybe a tiny bit hopeful. I don't really know how to describe the more than three months we've just spent in lockdown. It's been hard, and there have definitely been moments when I've logged off from class for the day and just had to lie down. But distracting myself helps. I've been reading and watching a lot of tv, funnily enough a lot of Gogglebox. As I type this my little brother is making mum cackle. I'm so happy that I have a family that I love, but also one that I like! I'm looking forward to this summer, going to the beach and to parties, maybe meeting someone. Hugging my friends and going to the library. Getting coffee. Seeing my grandparents. I wish I could say something very deep and meaningful about this period but the truth is we've just adjusted. It's been hard, but it's just what you have to do.

My life in Sydney has radically changed in the last 18 months, ie from March 2020 to present (October 2021). Since this vicious virus "Covid-19"captured the world - with Australia being strongly affected - and the consequent government announcements sent we Aussies into "lockdown", it has meant isolation from each other: family members, friends, neighbours, community groups, performers, businesses and the list continues. Personally, I am affected from being an active, participative and well-travelled senior female to mainly staying at home - except for necessities of life and 'smelling the roses'- and attaching myself to either a computer or mobile telephone screen in order to stay-in-touch and continue to be at least active in exercising both my body and brain, albeit via an assortment of online classes, webinars, meetings, etc. For me - and I expect most people - even the small occasions of life, eg change of seasons, spring blossoms, bird sounds, fresh produce from community gardens, will never be taken for granted again. It has highlighted the great need for Freedom and human physical contact.

I am feeling like a caged animal. Unable to roam. Surveilled by lurking, menacing police. Missing swimming at the Olympic pools in western Sydney, seeing the friendly cafe owners in Granville and Lidcombe for my post-swim coffee. Resentful that I can’t travel interstate, to Newcastle, beyond 5 kilometres from my home. Cynical and suspicious about policing: telling my daughter to “move on” from the beach (sitting on the sand alone) whilst ignoring people, crowded, maskless at the outdoor gym or the maskless people yacking, milling, waiting for coffee. Impatient for life to return to normal. Worried that tracking, surveillance, erosion of civil liberties will continue; vaccination “passport” will be legislated; another outbreak, mutation or new virus will plunge us back in to the abyss. Resent the erosion of free will: I was sceptical of vaccinations, hadn’t had one since childhood, adamant I wouldn’t have a Covid vaccination. Gladys’s and Dr. Kerry Chant’s daily press briefings and their urgings that, “you must get vaccinated” convinced me, as if by osmosis. When this is over, I aim to not put off things until tomorrow, to travel as if there is no tomorrow, take a year off work. I am looking forward to not working in the office; working cheek by jowl, like caged chickens in an office is solid destroying. I think I would tell my future self about this period is, thank god it’s over.

The other day I heard the most beautiful classical music on ABC FM. I was overwhelmed and realised just how much I had missed the concert hall and live orchestral concerts. Living in regional NSW, I would go once a year to Sydney to see the ballet or attend a concert. We have been lucky and been able to attend some productions at our Regional Theatre and are so appreciative of that. Long term planning is a thing of the past these days, but we can enjoy what is around us and be grateful.

In May 2021, I noticed two ambulances parked outside the house of a neighbour. A couple in their 90s lived there. I had met them once in 2017 soon after we moved in. My husband and I had downsized and were finding it a slow process to get to know the new neighbours. When I learned that the man from that house had died, I baked a sultana cake and brought it with me to visit his widow. My white-haired neighbour made me tea and told me of the fall which had led to her husband’s death. I enquired about the knitted bears and clowns stacked in baskets and propped around the walls of the room. She told me about the trauma bears she knitted for children in hospital and Alzheimer’s patients. Weeks later, I asked her if she would teach me how to knit the bears. We fitted in three lessons before the 2021 Sydney lockdown. During the restrictions, the knitting brought me a special pleasure. I found it a soothing activity, almost meditative, a relief from the uncertainty of the pandemic. The health orders meant I could not visit my neighbour for a final lesson. She tried to explain over the phone how to make the ears and draw in the neck, but I needed to see it done. In the end, when we were both fully vaccinated and the weather had warmed enough to sit outside, we met on her front porch. Two weeks later, we celebrated the completion of the bears sitting on my deck in the September sunshine. Now my house boasts a growing basketful of colourful bears. The pandemic and a neighbour willing to share her skills are to thank for my new-found knitting skills and a new friendship.

After 14 weeks in lockdown, there is light at the end of the tunnel…. But I’m nervous about going back to the way things were. I read this quote in Brooke McAlary’s book “Destination Simple” and it really resonated with me: "We are so caught up in trying to do everything, experience all the essential things, not miss out on anything important... We can't read all the good books, watch all the good films, go to all the best cities in the world, try all the best restaurants, meet all the great people... Life is better when we don't try to do everything. Learn to enjoy the slice of life you experience, and life turns out to be wonderful - Leo Babauta". I am definitely the person who wants to try everything and do everything, which is why my life before this pandemic was totally crazy busy. In all 3 of our lockdowns, I often found myself chomping at the bit, desperate to be doing something, anything, other than staying home and doing more of the same every day. I think this is why I tried all the lockdown activities (and am in the process of trying sourdough bread baking 😂). But given time, I’ve relaxed into this way of life, and can honestly say that I am enjoying it. I’m sure most, if not all, the kids activities will be back in full force once October 11th arrives. With that will bring the constant thinking about where they are, what they need, and what time I need to drive them around. I know they are older now and pretty independent, but their busy schedules still take up space in my brain. After our lockdowns ease, I want to continue to take some time for myself each day. Just to read a few pages, have a quiet cup of tea, and listen to the birds. I will have to make it a priority to ensure it happens, but I want to, and that’s a start. We also found a tick in my husband’s shoulder. Being the curious people we are, we looked at it under the microscope and then the kids proceeded to find dust around my house (not quite sure how it was so easily accessible 😂😂🤔) and investigate that, along with other random things.

13 weeks in lockdown… I know that not everyone is happy with the kids friends bubble arrangement, but for my family, it has brought immense joy this week. I don’t think I (and the kids) realised how much we (they) had missed actually seeing other people in the flesh. I feel so much more comfortable having the kids in my backyard, rather than letting them out at a playground or at the beach with the masses. So being at home with friends has definitely been a positive for us. Other fun things this week have been undoing the “Bali hair” (4 weeks later) and trying a new colour, welcoming our newest 3 chicks, and having a surprise visit from an echidna…. in our very own backyard! Such an amazing experience to see the little fella bumbling around with the chooks all looking on in puzzlement. A definite high point for this lockdown. Also, my daughter learnt how to dip strawberries in chocolate so we will probably be having lots of these in future. Mmmmmmmm so good ❤️