Diary Entries

I got tested for COVID19. I'd been feeling unwell. I'd been ill before in previous months, but didn't meet the criteria then for testing. I think it was because there wasn't enough test kits then. Now they've relaxed the criteria, so anyone who had mild symptoms were encouraged to get tested. Even so, I was apprehensive about it. Walking up to the test-clinic I felt as though everyone was looking at me. A small side-road had been cordoned off with lots of signs and barriers. A lady sat in vehicle checked if I had intention of getting the test. I felt kinda dirty. I was quite surprised that there was almost no queue at that time; only two ahead of me. A guard greeted me and asked me to use the hand-sanitizer available before entering. Two ladies asked me to fill up a form. Everyone wore PPE. When my turn came, my symptoms were recorded into a computer, and I was led into another room to get swabs done. The swab for the throat was alright, but the swab for the nose was unpleasant. It had to go in really deep, and it felt like it went right up to the corner of the eye. It wasn't painful, but felt invasive. Immediately, I started tearing and had to blow my nose. When I left, I could not shake the feeling that there was like a bead stuck up my nostril. For the rest of the day I had sneezing fits and a constant runny nose. It took two days to calm back down. I had to self-quarantine for three days. Thankfully, results were negative. The relief is immense. So whilst the test was unpleasant, for the peace of mind, I'm glad I did it.

TO A VIRUS ========= I know you're there hiding around each corner lurking somewhere out there biding your time to find me forgetting to keep my shields up protecting my defences down and idling then you will come attacking to take me hostage fighting I don't know where you're waiting but I won't let you stop me smiling One day you'll be the one shaking and I'd be back in the streets dancing

My uncle passed away yesterday. It was not long after I had written an entry to these files. It wasn't COVID-19 related, and it wasn't in Australia. He was back in my country of origin, far away from Australian shores. As he took his last breaths, we had a video-call on Whatsapp to say our goodbyes. There were lockdown restrictions in force, so not many could be physically by his side. However, technology allowed us to have a last moment with him. It was surreal. The family is in mourning, but the distance does buffer me from the immediacy of the occasion. There is an added dimension of dislocation to the grief, not being able to be back there with the extended family. It also heightens my worry for my mum, who is elderly and has a litany of health issues. If anything happens to her, it might not be easy for me to jump on a plane and be back there quickly. The frequency of flights have been drastically reduced. It's even hard to imagine what international travel will look like. On the plus side, it occurs to me that with less planes overhead, I have been enjoying more peace and quiet at home. Just a random silver lining. I really miss my family.

So today it occurred to me, thinking about all the new rules that are confusing and not aligned logically, that no one really knows the answers and are making them up as best as they can with limited and conflicting information, keeping fingers crossed that the number of deaths will be kept as low as possible. It's basically like staring into the abyss and deciding which son to sacrifice.