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Lock down has been a bit of an irony. I started a full-time job for the first time this year, still feeling bad that it's been some time since I graduated from uni.
I had a lot of anxiety about going out, talking to people. When I started the job I find out it might require a lot of travel. I don't like planes much or the unfamiliarity of new people, new places.
I would do anything to downplay this, anything to hide my 'going outside' anxiety from others. I even told myself perhaps this is a good thing. Now that I might have to do this for work I'll end up not missing out on things like travel.
Two months in, we go into lock down, working from home.
Suddenly I get permission to feel comfortable in my own surroundings. Suddenly I get encouraged by everyone from the prime minister to my favourite celebrity to find some hobbies (already found them: all my hobbies are in-door) and Please Just Stay Home Already!
I get the permission to stop beating myself up for being such an indoors-person and indulge in my comfort zone.
Sometimes I find it hard to empathise with those around me who are restless and want to go out. Or I wake up and don't feel the weight of former worries, then I remember why I get to stay in and feel bad and worry for others.
Sometimes I get scared that I'll have to re-learn getting rid of my anxieties.
But at least, this experience has in many ways got us all in the same boat, giving us a sense of belonging. I hope we can all breathe easy soon and get on with things, whether we're inside or out.
I had a lot of anxiety about going out, talking to people. When I started the job I find out it might require a lot of travel. I don't like planes much or the unfamiliarity of new people, new places.
I would do anything to downplay this, anything to hide my 'going outside' anxiety from others. I even told myself perhaps this is a good thing. Now that I might have to do this for work I'll end up not missing out on things like travel.
Two months in, we go into lock down, working from home.
Suddenly I get permission to feel comfortable in my own surroundings. Suddenly I get encouraged by everyone from the prime minister to my favourite celebrity to find some hobbies (already found them: all my hobbies are in-door) and Please Just Stay Home Already!
I get the permission to stop beating myself up for being such an indoors-person and indulge in my comfort zone.
Sometimes I find it hard to empathise with those around me who are restless and want to go out. Or I wake up and don't feel the weight of former worries, then I remember why I get to stay in and feel bad and worry for others.
Sometimes I get scared that I'll have to re-learn getting rid of my anxieties.
But at least, this experience has in many ways got us all in the same boat, giving us a sense of belonging. I hope we can all breathe easy soon and get on with things, whether we're inside or out.