Diary Entries

Wake Up and Smell the Coffee Slow jazz and the smile of someone who cares, it’s a fragment of heaven, a chance to enjoy the company and to start to want more. It’s early. The machines are yet to warm, pondering the opportunity to rest a moment longer, to drink in the aroma of this place, the various cakes, muffins and danish pastries. The familiar smell of filter coffee rises and dissipates into the crisp air. It is taking a deep breath, sucking in the air that carries a hint of dampness that lacks the pollution of the Sydney day traffic. It’s a stomach clenched with hunger at the thought of sweet, honey rolls. It’s the earthy fragrance of fresh rain seeping from the window. Intermingling with the outlandish cologne of charcoal flames and cinnamon. Aromatic leaves, the air scented by blossoms, tiny green leaves of the thyme, rosemary with dark green leaves and white central stripe growing on woody stems.

In another life when I ran a school I had a recurring nightmare that one day no one would turn up. I’d have to tell the Trustees that the place was empty and I didn’t know why. Well I do know why the Library’s been empty since the 23rd March, and it hasn’t – to be honest - been a nightmare at all, having all this time to think and read and draw and read some more. (I’m acutely aware that many people haven’t been so fortunate.) But an empty library is not a good thing. The kind of “quiet” that librarians enforce with their characteristically friendly firmness is not like the graveyard silence of empty stacks or the Mitchell Reading Room with the lights out in the middle of the day. Today, June 1st, we reopened. A cautiously enthusiastic line of physically distanced readers started to congregate more than an hour early. My colleagues and I were there to greet them. They’d all booked in advance, and dripped inside one by one. By late morning our reading rooms were filled to their permitted capacity. One reader was angry that he couldn’t have access to the collections – we need to wait a bit longer for that – and claimed that we couldn’t say the library was open until its treasures once again were available for use. He was right in a sense, but wrong in another. Today really was a great day – the first small step towards the restoration of the State Library’s physical role at the heart of the community. His frustration expressed what we all feel. There’s nowhere better than the Library, and I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks that.

AUTUMN Suddenly our world turns from summery greens under blue skies to sprays of yellow, flares of red under a menacing dome of stormy grey and white. In a neighbouring garden, an entire waterfall of blazing orange leaves is poised to fall, leaf by leaf in slow motion, from a Japanese maple. The trees withdraw their magic green from all those finger-leaves which craft the sunshine into juicy sugars which eventually feed the entire world. Those trees whose leaves will drop begin to break their chlorophyll down to its separate parts. They pull the fragments back inside, storing them in a living skeleton: stems and branches, trunks and roots, to wait through the winter, dormant. When their chlorophyll’s dismantled, the other pigments in leaves reveal their flaming orange, brilliant yellow. Other compounds are brewed anew to create the deeper hues of scarlet and purple. So this season strides our world in its royal leafy robes, billowing in the winds of change. Each leaf’s a patterned fragment of the warm cloak wrapped around the future’s sleeping seeds, till spring kisses them awake.

Ruby Princess Cruise ship with a royal name where on earth is your domain? When tourist dollars flex their might who cares if it is our right, to know where you go. Saying nothing when you departed for the Tasmin Sea. It is our way to just let it be, for nothing can be changed when nothing’s to be gained for you and me. Good-bye Ruby Princess Who will pin the blame on you? If your covid cases grow, let the health inspectors know. Bon voyage! We’ll miss you. Transformed from a ship to a destination. The spread of covid causing consternation. One in ten cases from your disembarkation! Adding to the devastation twenty lives are lost. Oh what a cost! Good-bye Ruby Princess You should hang your head in shame. With covid cases growing daily We will never miss you! Sydney waved you and your sisters away, your crews still languish in Manila bay. Stranded, some jump overboard, others in one last desperate accord, undertake a hunger strike. “Tickets now on sale to wherever I like!” Cruises set sail at the end of September “It’s the all you can eat buffet and casino I remember!” Good-bye Ruby Princess Who dare pin the blame on you? Record bookings taken daily Boy, we really miss you!

With all the events happening in "the arsenal of democracy" and elsewhere, it's safe to assume history is repeating itself. With the death of 1 man, the world (or in this case, America) ushered itself into anarchy rivaling the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand in Europe or the Vietnam War protests worldwide. It is baffling how such a great country can be so divided on a topic seemingly universally agreed by (almost) everyone: Humans must be treated equally, without exception. The world is a gunpowder case, and all it takes is a spark to set it alight. When it is time for mankind to unite against a common enemy, some chose to spread division, confusion and ignorance that undermines the fabric of society. What have become of us? This entry was made in the lonely hours of May 31st, 6 months after the outbreak of a pandemic that (if unchecked) may spell the demise of mankind. To tell the truth, if this is what humanity has become, I wish not to participate in it. Future generations will frown upon this moment in history, when humanity descends down the rabbit hole, into chaos. However, there is hope. From across the border, from one's neighbor, relatives, from hopes that, as Her Majesty puts it "We'll meet again, one sunny day".

Aussie Hope A year filled with so much uncertainty. I witnessed brave men and women rise up with the true Aussie spirit. The Aussie spirit that would make our Anzac's proud. My family comes from Batlow NSW. During the fires this town was marked as un-defendable. My uncle was one of the men who stood tall with the true grit of the Aussie and defended the un-defendable from the fires. Then after all of Australia is ravished by fire we are hit with the wave of disease. We quickly learnt the importance of human connection. The virus has given us a small reminder that people matter and yet today I was surprised to hear Apple is replacing more people with robots, I then wonder if we can ever learn that people are worth more than money, more than a profit. But I hold hope that the morals of the Aussie spirit lives on. I have 2 great men in my life. My Dad Victor and my brother Ryan. These 2 men have helped others for as long as I can remember. I sit tonight sipping my cuppa as i resonated how good it felt to help Dad and Ryan unload a load of wood to an elderly couple. My beautiful Mum Dee has cooked countless meals for people in need of rest and kindness. Lawns have been mowed for gardens that were not my families yards. Many fire places keep houses warm that are not ours because of a family that I am so very proud to be apart of. My heart swells with pride when my Daughter Annabelle asks me who can we help this week mum?. My son Victor will have the honor of his Poppa I have no doubt. Hope still lives on in the Aussie Spirit

Lock down has been a bit of an irony. I started a full-time job for the first time this year, still feeling bad that it's been some time since I graduated from uni. I had a lot of anxiety about going out, talking to people. When I started the job I find out it might require a lot of travel. I don't like planes much or the unfamiliarity of new people, new places. I would do anything to downplay this, anything to hide my 'going outside' anxiety from others. I even told myself perhaps this is a good thing. Now that I might have to do this for work I'll end up not missing out on things like travel. Two months in, we go into lock down, working from home. Suddenly I get permission to feel comfortable in my own surroundings. Suddenly I get encouraged by everyone from the prime minister to my favourite celebrity to find some hobbies (already found them: all my hobbies are in-door) and Please Just Stay Home Already! I get the permission to stop beating myself up for being such an indoors-person and indulge in my comfort zone. Sometimes I find it hard to empathise with those around me who are restless and want to go out. Or I wake up and don't feel the weight of former worries, then I remember why I get to stay in and feel bad and worry for others. Sometimes I get scared that I'll have to re-learn getting rid of my anxieties. But at least, this experience has in many ways got us all in the same boat, giving us a sense of belonging. I hope we can all breathe easy soon and get on with things, whether we're inside or out.

First in Australia: Bushfires.. The fire crisis in Australia has killed at least 26 people, destroyed more than 2,000 homes and also 1 BILLION animals were perished. Second in Australia: Coronavirus.. 103 people death. 7K+ cases This year is been the worst. Bushfires were over. Covid-19 cases slowed down. But still, Quarantine was NOT GOOD. Not being able to go to school. Not being able to see friends and the online work. I hated bushfires.. 1 billion animals perished and more then 2K houses destroyed. Well, It wasn't happening near where I live but still. Bushfires over. Covid-19 still out there but slowed down.

I am a 60 year old (soon to be 61) retired teacher living on her own. I felt buoyant till Thursday, the 14th of May. On that day my mood changed and I don't know why. I don't know what triggered it. I had a wonderful year planned. Season tickets to the Sydney Symphony Orchestra, the Australian Chamber Orchestra, the Brandenburg Orchestra, the ballet, the Sydney Dance Company, the opera, Bell Shakespeare and the French film festival. I have been watching online performances. Musicians from the Australian Chamber Orchestra have very generously been performing from their own homes and posting online. I feel I know the performing artists much better because of this. I used to receive a kiss on the cheek from my young nephews. My little street has been fantastic. Neighbours have really stepped up. I've had phone calls and offers of help. The best thing about where I live are the neighbours. There has been lots of love and kindness in the community. That has been my experience. I've left a few packets of toilet paper on doorsteps. My superannuation went down about 20%. This was a worry. It has since come up again a bit. There is nothing I can do. Surprisingly I am not now worried about it. It will come up again. I am with a top industry fund and I have confidence in them. I trust them. One week ago I found out that the elderly mother-in-law of a friend of mine in Europe has just spent 2 weeks in hospital with COVID-19. She is at home now but still on oxygen. I am going to send her a small gift of Australian toiletries. Two days ago I received a letter that said Westconnex would be tunnelling under my house. To be continued.

Good things about the pandemic? I spent a glorious five weeks living at home with my family in Sydney while working from home with my job in Queensland. We had pizza nights and games nights. I read three books, took up a yoga routine and felt comforted and loved like I haven’t in a long time. There’s nothing like finishing a lonely day working from home than to be greeted by your Mum who’s just come home from the office and your sister who’s just finished homeschooling her two young boys. You have dinner together and later on you go to sleep soundly thinking how this time with family is a blessing. It came out of such a dire situation but for someone who normally lives alone it is an interlude of delight.