Diary Entries

I want to write a book. I have a title and cover design done. The first chapter is written and I entered it as a short story in the Blue Fringe awards in 2008 and got good feedback. I have plenty of ideas it is going to be a biographical history. I have an Associate Diploma in Local and Applied History from the UNE and 10 years experience in clerical and administration for the NSW State Records - GRR. I have been an avid Family and Local Historian for many years. I have a strong interest in Social Justice, Heritage Conservation and the Environment.

I am in the Mitchell Library reading room writing this and am so very glad to be back in this precious place. I was also here on Monday, 1 June 2020, during the morning session, which was the first day that the library had been allowed to open since March 2020. Understanding that services within the library would be limited did not deter me from attending as part of a privileged first group of people that were able to book and secure a place at the first open session at the SLNSW since is was abruptly closed as a part of the government' response to Corona virus. I am deeply grateful to all SLNSW staff for their dedication and care in making it possible for me and others to access their much loved library, even if under strict conditions. From the beginning of the Government's response to the Corona virus back in March, I have been angry about what seemed to be a one size fits all approach to shutting down institutions and places that could have safely and easily remained open. I see the SLNSW as such a place. I suffered from the loss of ordinary society, culture, and freedoms. 1 June 2020 was the best day of 2020 for me so far. I felt a sense of elation during my journey to the library, which included travelling by train, walking through Hyde Park, and proceeding along Macquarie Street, where I could see that many others like me were as eager as I to participate in city life once more. I feel a deep sense of gratitude to all at the library who have made the easing of isolation, and its negative effects, possible.

Through the eyes of a Pilgrim. I see out from my Window the Silence on the River , I see it from the Northern Morning Sun ,to the windy evening river run. The Silent winding River path lonely where no human Treads. I search towards the distant sunset only to hear the hustle from the trees . Please tell this soul when Love snd life will adore the beauty of our river bends. As without the sound of mankind’s tread the breath of life does end.

My life has changed a lot! From me going to school every five days to staying At home for three months. I have been doing well with homeschooling. It’s been bit boring lately with out my friends. I’m going back to school next week. I think that the week is going to go very quickly. So I am very happy about that! While I have been at home I was quite happy to see my family just for a little bit longer than usual. It feels like that but it really hasn’t been A little bit longer. It’s been forever. This is what my life has been while at home.

The importance of 02-06-20 in the best country in the world: Each Person has a special day in the year where everything is different and happiness is made. That day things are predestined so that life can be transformed and become better, it is that day that is waited for a whole year to be able to advance, although progress is made little by little if one is visualised to improve it is achieved, well that day for me it is today, June 2. Looking back this has been a very different day, I have been working from home for 2 months, I contribute my work to the entity that supports and regulates providers of services for the elderly, applying digital technologies that were not so evolved before, but for sure when someone reads this in 2120, they will laugh at what is now called the future of innovation. In general, I prepare my plan to be a transforming service provider of what I will be in a few years, in a few words I manufacture in my present what will be my future. For someone who when see it 100 years later, it will be a museum souvenir; funny and a little hard to believe. I do this in a wonderful country where I have lived for the last eight and a half years, where I have lived great and unbeatable moments in my life. I must say for the future that Australia is paradise on earth and that for what I have left of life, that it is barely half as long I will live in and for this wonder of country, generating benefits for him and for my country of origin as well, Colombia. As the world reached a stage of self-destruction, it began.

During COVID-19; I've learnt a lot about myself. I've faced emotions i've suppressed from the past, i've questioned my direction in life, i've almost gave up on uni multiple times and i've been more busy than before COVID, because I realised how much uni work is actually required in full-time uni. I've also been teaching English to people around the world online, and i've re-connected with my love of dancing, and nature. Despite the travesties brought on by COVID, there has also been a beauty to it. A beauty to the stillness we were craving; listening to the trees swaying gently in the wind and letting our mind roam free again. A crossroads; looking back at how far we have come and which road we will take next. Will we try to go back to our "normal life" or accept the challenge to create something new?

I got tested for COVID19. I'd been feeling unwell. I'd been ill before in previous months, but didn't meet the criteria then for testing. I think it was because there wasn't enough test kits then. Now they've relaxed the criteria, so anyone who had mild symptoms were encouraged to get tested. Even so, I was apprehensive about it. Walking up to the test-clinic I felt as though everyone was looking at me. A small side-road had been cordoned off with lots of signs and barriers. A lady sat in vehicle checked if I had intention of getting the test. I felt kinda dirty. I was quite surprised that there was almost no queue at that time; only two ahead of me. A guard greeted me and asked me to use the hand-sanitizer available before entering. Two ladies asked me to fill up a form. Everyone wore PPE. When my turn came, my symptoms were recorded into a computer, and I was led into another room to get swabs done. The swab for the throat was alright, but the swab for the nose was unpleasant. It had to go in really deep, and it felt like it went right up to the corner of the eye. It wasn't painful, but felt invasive. Immediately, I started tearing and had to blow my nose. When I left, I could not shake the feeling that there was like a bead stuck up my nostril. For the rest of the day I had sneezing fits and a constant runny nose. It took two days to calm back down. I had to self-quarantine for three days. Thankfully, results were negative. The relief is immense. So whilst the test was unpleasant, for the peace of mind, I'm glad I did it.

They want us back at work. Building through June to be fully staffed by July 1. Why? My unit (HLSC120) is remaining fully online for semester 2. We ran it fine online in semester 1 when we didn't know what what we were doing, it'll be a doddle now that we're across it. I'm frightened to return. My students will be home but other academics are in contact, albeit distanced, with students. I'm frightened because many academics have kids...petrie dishes on legs. I'm frightened of getting covid. As an Aboriginal, middle-aged, obese woman: if I go in to an intensive care unit, I'm unlikely to come out alive. I'm frightened. I'm frightened of having to speak to people: an isolator by nature, being told to stay home has been a nirvana. That said, I'm definitely going squirrely and notice it only when I'm around others. So if I stay away I won't and, more importantly, THEY won't see how nuts I've become. My poor mental health is clearly visible on my sleeve and I've been away so long I've forgotten how to hide it when in company. I'll have to re-learn....but not yet, please. Please let me have some more time! Time to gather my personal resources, time to circle the internal wagons and reassemble the public visage. I've forgotten how, so it's best I just stay hidden until I remember. Like a major grief (eg death of a parent), all my mental/emotional pathologies are heightened. I see this in others, too. With no help, no way forward. The beautiful drawings I've done, the song I've written were worth the schism with normal. I can't recover. Never recover from trauma: just learn to adapt. So alone, particularly with others. I'm doomed.

During lock down it has been very hard!! I had some good experiences like spending time with my family and playing with my brothers and my sister. Also playing Roblox. Some not so good things were the parks were closed and I can't even see my friends! Something I will remember is when we were in the car we were pumping music on!! It was so fun. There will be some exciting things like parks will open and Coroavirus might be cured. When I was at home I felt annoyed because we didn't go anywhere!!

For me 2020 has been a huge rollercoaster from bushfires, tsunaimis, toilet paper raids and now Covid 19. The only thing I like about this outbreak is I get to play more video games than usual but I'm not sure it's healthy. I am really annoyed and bored from staying home. The first time I arrived at school in a long time felt magical. The second I put my Foot on the concrete in a long time felt magical. As I left my foot from the car I remembered all the good times I had at school. Hopefully this agitating outbreak will end and everyone can go outside so everyone can live happily ever after.