Diary Entries

She leaned over the rail and looked down at the street below. It was the best thing that had happened all day. It was so normal. Just for a few minutes she forgot to be alert and watchful. She went to look at her watch to allow herself five minutes, to make herself stay in this moment for a fixed amount of time, to stop herself from moving away and resuming the focus on doing what had to be done, avoiding people and situations and going straight home. Then she stopped. She didn’t look at her watch. Instead she took slow careful breaths and then slow relaxed breaths. She looked at the shops but didn’t want to think about the closed doors or the queue outside some shops. She decided to look at the people, not closely. They could not see her. Nonetheless she smiled at each one. In her mind she greeted each person and asked how they were. She pretended that each and every one of them was her friend. It was a preposterous thing to do but it appeared to be what she needed to do to keep on going. Just a few times she concocted a small backstory. Two or three sentences such as “She is my granddaughter’s best friend. She draws anime cartoons. She is very shy.” But that invited some form of judgement so she reverted to greeting and, perhaps, asking about the garden or a dog. Then, when she was sure that she had properly lost her mind (or that part of it that was making her sad) she said goodbye (in her mind) and walked home. He asked how she was. “I’m not sure”, she said. And that wasn’t a bad feeling.

Well what shall I write? Who would have thought the world would close down because of a pandemic? Back in late February I had just watched a documentary on the History Channel about the Spanish Flu and then along comes the Corona virus. I think what struck me first was disbelief that such a thing could happen. Then ... Oh my ... the reality bites: Overseas travel out the window. Close downs. Isolation. Fear. Trepidation. Learning curve of working from home. But after awhile resilience and acceptance kicked in and I found it: nice to wake up without an alarm nice to facetime the kids nice to sit in the sun with a cup of coffee nice to do the garden nice to accept what is

A Day's Reflection Another day has dawned.... The early morning chill has roused me from my sleep. I woke up to an empty bed...for a while, it slipped my mind that my hubby earlier kissed me goodbye while I was half-awake. It is already six o'clock and he has gone off to work. I, on the other hand, still works from home. It has been like this for three months now, ever since this pandemic changed the way we do things and live our lives. I walked around the empty house, walked past the two small rooms and came to the dining table. I took some time to admire the oranges neatly sitting in the fruit basket atop the table. They were bright orange, enticing and inviting. As I sat down to my breakfast of cereals and cup of hot Milo, I relished in the peace and quiet of the house. I have learned to love some bits and pieces of this new normal. For one, I don't need to do those mad dashes in the mornings in order to catch my train. Also, since, I don't need to go out and brave the cold winter mornings, I haven't had any of my mild asthma attacks. Of course, there is nothing like going back to the old normal, when you can hang out with your friends without any fear of catching the virus. It will be good to see people who lost their jobs gain it back, businesses bouncing back to life.

Watsons Bay, Sydney COVID cases in New South Wales are rising. I really don’t want to have to close down my piano teaching business again. Cases in Africa are starting to be reported, and I saw a news story showing the sorry state of affairs in one hospital. Soiled and bloody towels all over the floor, with blood smeared across walls, and not enough protective equipment for nurses and doctors, and not enough nurses and doctors. Outside the hospital, rats were drinking blood that had pooled over a drain. Ghastly. I worry what will happen to them from here. It doesn’t feel real. Having begun the year with bushfires, smoke and heat, we are probably soon to be locked down. What a year. Maybe we’ll soon all have to wear masks in Sydney. I’m imagining piles of disposable masks going into landfill and the gargantuan piles of waste … I think I’ll ask mum to sew us some masks made of cotton. I’ve started doing yoga three times a week, and find my listlessness disappearing quite suddenly. I feel motivated again and things for a time feel almost normal. Time to try out a new recipe. Mum has made cotton masks for everyone and I am starting to wear one when I get groceries. Some people have started wearing them, but not many. I want to go out for dinner and have a beautiful meal with a glass of wine, but we don’t go because we think it is not safe. I wonder if people felt like this during the War. Mum texts to tell us that she has sold a lot of her cotton masks at the markets. $10 each! Good news. Every second person is wearing masks on the street now.

As I stay home and steer away from places that I used to frequent, I tell myself this. Don't just count the days. Enjoy them and fill each and every minute with good memories. Learn a craft, pick up a hobby, read a good book. True, bad days like these come but they too will go away like the black dense clouds being blown by the wind. Look forward to spring and summer when the winter gets cold and dreary and you feel all alone and miss the company of good friends. It will give you hope and reason to expect for better days when everything goes back to the way it was.

An Exciting Day It's nearly the end of restrictions in NSW. We can now browse in libraries and museums. We can be with family like we used to. It's a very exciting day for us. We still have to be careful because Covid19 is on the loose. It's nearly the great school holidays! On the school break I am going to watch my borrowed DVDs, visit the Hornsby library and bird watching. I like the school holidays because they give me time to borrow from the library.

Well, it is June now. Already half the year has been at the mercy of Covid-19. How much longer are we gonna keep 'easing rstrictions' or in some cases, putting them back in place? How long is Covid going to control our lives? School's back on, sports are about to reopen but the question is, are we ready to take that step? Or will our 3 steps forward set us 4 steps back? Australia's doing okay, but you can't say the same for most of the world. Is Covid-19 slowly eating away this year and becoming Covid-20? Is this the year that in the future people will remember as the year of the Quarantine, the year in which some listened while others didn't. At that time, do iur continents still stand? Are our nations still united? Or is the world split even more into safety and chaos? Stay Safe and Keep Others Safe.

As I go for my daily walk, I can see the blue mountains as I leave my home, due to no traffic on the roads! I've always walked and appreciated a sliver of them, but now I walk even more often, sometimes twice, three times a day and for longer - not because I'm locked down in isolation like so many others - I still have to go to school but just to remind me that the natural world and the God who I believe made it, is much bigger than this virus. It's like I can see every contour of the varying sized mountains, the stronger and softer colours of the blues, greys, silver, and greens; the expansive sky protruding above the living, running line of vegetation is different whatever time of day I walk; sometimes bright, clear and cloudless, monotone in its vibrant blue, other times dark and foreboding and at other times soft and pink, either welcoming the day, almost beckoning it softly and quietly to keep on coming or subtly kissing it away. The longer 'this virus' goes on, the more I am tired of it and wish it would end but I'm also more thankful for things, many things, and people. I'm especially thankful for family and friends and that I live in Australia - we are so fortunate. I'm especially thankful for time to stop, be still, enjoy new things but also enjoy more of what I already had but didn't fully appreciate. No longer a sliver of those glorious mountains but now I feel reassured by them, I feel hugged by them - a reminder that God, this incredible world and time is much bigger than this virus and life will be Ok, just different.

It's honestly strange that things are opening back up despite vaccine trials still in progress. I understand that the state hasn't had a significant number of new cases lately but Victoria's experiencing a second spike and that frightens me. Is society so depraved of the detrimental drug of capitalism that we are willing to sacrifice lives to continue consumption? I know I am not one to talk because I've been working my retail job during these loosening restrictions. Work has been making profits and that means my managers are less harsh on the rest of us. Working also means money coming in which means one more month of being able to pay bills and save up for surgery. The conflict between going out to earn my living and staying in for public health is something to battle every day. I wish less of us have to fight that battle soon.

To COVID 19 You took away my work Movies and theatre Restaurants and pubs Golfing and tennis too. You gave me more time To read in the sun To walk in the bush To write and to think. Was it a fair exchange?