Diary Entries

I can't quite believe another year has gone and I feel not a lot has been accomplished, though if I made a list it might look better. This library is such a nice cool place to be on a 40 degree day. I look forward to looking at stuff, archives, family history, old newspapers and tidying up my emails. I do internet searches on many things that I couldn't be bothered doing at home, since my internet as not as fast as this library computer. Today I've travelled from Newcastle on an air conditioned train which I think is the only way to get to Sydney relaxed and ready to find some more interesting information at the NSW State Library. Such a lot to do, bye and have a cool day.

Interesting how the world feels the same and a little different than it was 4 years ago. Interesting how the whole world is full of chaos - and just when you think it can't get crazier than this can it - it does. Then you remember it's all happened before and it will happen again. What do we do? We keep going.

It's been a long time since the Covid-19 lockdown. In fact, it's been a bit of time since Covid was a very relevant topic. Since the news doesn't talk about it, no-one else does. The amount of people who've caught Covid is still a bit high, but the deaths have lessened. The vaccine seems to be helping quite a lot. To future audiences, you might be wondering what lockdown might've been like. You might be learning about Covid-19 in school. You probably might not be able to imagine it. As a person who's been through it, I'll explain. We had to stay in our houses for a very long period of time. We had school from home, on our laptops, which was cool, i guess. But we had to go on Zoom and show our faces. Which meant getting ready. Ew. I think I may have gone crazy from staying at home for so long. But, honestly it was kind of relaxing. Except for the part where I got Covid. That wasn't very nice. I got quite a bad case of Covid. I was coughing a LOT, I was numb, and my throat felt like it was badly corroded. As a result of taking the vaccine, I was shaking nonstop, which was painful and I couldn't sleep for multiple days. But, it made me stronger against Covid. I guess that's a bit of a price you have to pay. Anyways, hope the future's cool and you don't have to experience what us Gen-Z's did. Please can a school use this as a source analysis for History IM BEGGING YOU PLEASE p.s. I hope anime's still a thing in the future. If it isn't go on the web and watch these ok, oh and read the manga: One Piece (it's veryyyyy long leave it till the end, there's over 1000 episodes) Hunter x Hunter Jojo's Bizarre Adventures Jujutsu Kaisen Black Butler Mob Psycho 100 Dragon Ball Z Spy X Family Death Note Chainsaw Man

Wow.. what a year. I’m going to fast track to Christmas, 2022. I spent A LOT of money and time trying to put on a good Christmas for my step-daughters and to my dismay, they were very ungrateful for it. The mess they left and the presents that were completely destroyed that weren’t even 24hrs old was really disheartening. I broke down at some point and cried for a while before packing up their stuff and telling my husband that they can have their stuff back when they learn to take care of their belongings better. My step-daughters have gone back to their mothers for a week and I’ve spent the entire week trying to clean. Come New Year’s Eve night, I woke up at about 3:30am. We have all had this same feeling in our guts, churning and the feeling of acid moving up through our bodies. We wake so fast, our feet hit the ground even faster yet so quietly trying not to wake our significant other, and we make our way to the bathroom where what feels like a weeks worth of food has just exploded out of our bodies. I feel as if I haven’t had a rest. In the middle of the night when I was unwell, after a bad week, there was my best friend in the whole world right by my side. My dog, nearly 2 years old, got out of bed when I got up and came and laid and slept on the lounge with me, comforting me when I needed it most. I stayed there for all of New Year’s Day. Sick on the lounge, reflecting on a rough two weeks and now starting to think about the year ahead and what I want to achieve. My New Years resolution is to look after myself better. I don’t mean lose weight and eat better because who ever actually does, right? I mean going and getting a remedial massage, going to the chiropractor to get rid of my constant headache that I’ve had for about a month now and to actually have some well deserved me time so I don’t become completely insane. So here I am, laying in my bed at 1:10am on the 2nd of January 2023, unwell after an exhausting two weeks hoping that in the future when someone reads this, that they can relate to some of it or can sympathise in some way. If nothing else, please put yourselves first so you can be the best person for yourself and for others around you. What a great start to 2023!

So it finally happened - Miss Rona, the spicy cough got me. I tested positive on Monday and this wasn’t a surprise. I’d had: Malatang with my bf and a colleague and her bf on Wednesday; Korean fried chicken with Mum on Thursday; A metal gig with a friend on Friday; An unfruitful search for gothic style fake nails on Saturday; and, The new Park Chan-wook movie at the cool vintage cinema, and a g&t, on Sunday. I’ve decimated tissues and toilet paper with my nose, which has rattled with snot, and the drip down into my throat makes me cough. I’ve coughed so much that my throat feels like raw beef. There’s a little blood in the tissues sometimes, would rather not think too hard about its origin. I feel weak and fuzzy. I miss doing things like walking outside. Seriously. Even going to the office. Buying coffee and gingerbread. Shopping. Sadly I infected my partner and his version is the intense headache version. I feel so bad. He joked that we’re stuck in bed like the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory grandparents. I sort of hoped this day wouldn’t come and yeah. It’s all I hoped it wouldn’t be.

I was just minding my own business, slowly crossing the path, when . . . THUD, THUD, THUD! Could it be an earthquake? No, just people. They are everywhere, absolutely everywhere! Walking their dogs, riding their bikes wearing strange coverings on their faces. I can’t work out why, don’t they usually have somewhere else to be? Suddenly, a huge, trembling hand plucked me off the ground and lifted me into a container that felt smooth and slippery. What was happening? I quickly retracted into my shell. When I dared to peek out, staring at me wide-eyed was a friendly human face. She looked really excited. ‘I’ve been begging mum to get a pet in lockdown and she keeps saying no. No dog, no cat, no rabbit, no guinea pig, no bird, no turtle no lizard, no fish. But she reluctantly said ok to you. So, Shelly welcome to our home and I promise I’ll look after you!” she said smiling. Shelly?! Was she referring to me? The next morning the nice girl appeared with someone else smaller than her. “Meet Shelly!”. The little sister looked cute and friendly too. That afternoon they transferred me into an enclosure much nicer than the plastic container I had spent the night in. I had dirt, leaves, rocks, dish with water and fresh lettuce leaves. I had never tasted anything so sweet and delicious, what a treat! They moved me to a few places around the house but finally settled on the sideboard. It’s a lovely spot, next to pot plants and near the glass doors so I can see what the weather is like. I’ve always wondered what the giant people do behind those big doors on the street. Now is my chance. The curtains are opened in the morning and sunlight floods in. They eat at the table then the big girl and dad sit in front of a computer to do school work. This is usually calm and quiet but occasionally they raise their voices at each other. The mum leaves and sometimes doesn’t come back till the sun goes down. The little girl plays by herself a lot, and I often hear her call out “I need to go to the toilet!”. They all disappear in the afternoon for a while after lunch and the house goes quiet. The girls come back excited and need a drink after riding their bikes or going to the park. In the evening the curtains get pulled closed then after dinner the strangest thing happens. The grandparents’ faces appear on the phone and they talk to them about being separated in lockdown. I wonder if I could speak to my family that way too? I do miss my old life in the garden on the nature strip and I wonder if I am in lockdown too. But I’ve been well looked after here, all the crispy vegetables, no possums to hide from and welcoming family. I quite like my new place!

How can I describe this poignant moment in my life? Whilst the world is seemingly ending either by a pandemic, climate change, with women being assaulted on the streets or the wars the men keep starting...my family is just beginning. It feels selfish in hindsight to bring two children into this world and yet here we are. My first son, born just 6 months before the pandemic and weeks before the horrific 2019 bushfires. He knew only of orange skies and masked faces around him. My second son, born during Sydney's longest lockdown in 2021... born to an empty theatre with no one to greet him but his mum and dad. for 14 weeks of his life, he would meet no one except the local french baristas. I hope that one day, they don't resent us for bringing them into this broken world. But maybe, just maybe they can be the generation who fix it all? My son wears tutu's and pink gumboots and no one gives it a second thought. My best friends who happen to be of the same gender will marry each other next year and no one gives this a second thought. The women who surround me have made waves in the industries they work in and almost no one gives this a second thought... No longer hindered by a pressure to settle down and have children if they don't desire one. My hope is that the orange skies part and the blue skies shine.

Ever changing Covid rules have been hard on frontliners. Living and working in an LGA of concern, which in an instant, is no longer concerning, I am donning a thicker mask plus goggles now as an Aged Care employee, even after a supposed freedom has been declared. Thank you for the 'choice' of a mandatory vaccine. This is not freedom. I remember freedom. Freedom of movement. Freedom to gather. Freedom to worship. Freedom of speech. Freedom of association. All current freedoms are dictated and controlled. Compliance. Codes. Passports. This is not the Australia I yearn to see again.

Our Time in Hibernation What has lockdown meant for me? Separation from my partner, the love of my life, and an essential worker in Sydney. A memorable and special time with my lovely Mum on the Central Coast, united in grief for the passing of my wonderful father. Enjoying our time - working together to bring life back to her garden, reminiscing, laughing, reading newspapers and magazines out on the balcony. Walks around this beautiful bay under blue skies and endless sunshine, the sound of birds - cheeky rainbow lorikeets, king parrots, cockatoos, butcher birds, magpies, kookaburras, the scent of jasmine, & wattle trees fill the air. Trees as far as the eye can see! Cocooned, comforted and safe in our beautiful surroundings.

I just went upstairs to return some items to their place as is the perennial problem of living in a double storey dwelling - things taken downstairs have to be taken upstairs. I placed the journal on the bedside table and saw my son's pillow, toy cats - one grey, one pink, the giraffe comforter, and little blue blankie on the bed, where they were left this morning. He has been at home with me for the past 4-months, him playing and resting by my side as I worked, my morning tea break spent making snacks and playing Lego, my lunch break putting him down for his afternoon nap. Without a 2-hour commute each day there was time for walks, I could stay up later to catch up on work and study, there was no need to rush. We found a rhythm. He went back to daycare on Monday. He cried, and so did I—when I sat back in the car, though, not in front of him. I go back to work next week. I will be glad to, in a way, because I will have some distraction from the ache of my broken heart.