Diary Entries

The COVID-19 pandemic hasn't curbed the greed of property developers. At the end of my street 5 tiny townhouses have been built where there were 2 modest houses. Across the the road from me there is another property development application to subdivide one modest property and to build another tiny townhouse. In the street behind me another subdivision. So I've been busy writing objections to property developments pandemic and all. There is another proposal to build a 9 storey block of apartments at the end of the street. Rejected by council so now the developers are trying to get the application through other government departments. I am trying hard to buy Australian to add my teeniest bit of support to the economy and local businesses. One day I went looking for spices in my local Woolworths. I couldn't find anything Australian. So I'm afraid a cross email of complaint ensued and I researched and found my own Australian garlic flakes online. There has been a COVID-19 case in my local Woolworths and one in one of my favourite local cafés, Matinée. It is all worryingly close. A much muted, resuscitated French film festival has been and gone. I went to 5 films and cautiously enjoyed the films socially distanced whilst wearing a Kn95 face mask and glasses as insurance against the virus entering through my eyes. We were spread throughout the cinema. My lovely French conversation partner, Marion, has gone back to Switzerland. I have now found Alexandre. He is young and has been in Australia for 18 months. He is from Alsace in France. We sit on a bench in Hyde Park like spies and have lovely conversations in French. We have met 3 times now. I am wearing a mask now outdoors in public venues like the supermarket.

Yesterday I read Professor of History at La Trobe University, Clare Wright's essay in "Meanjin" - How the Dark Gets In. I cried. The fear of looking in my own mirror and our national mirror during this time has finally caught up with me. It's the stories of this pandemic that interest me. The stories of all pandemics. Stories. History. So I'm here. Clare Wright says in her essay: "I know that the stories we tell about ourselves matter. And that the stories that nations tell about themselves rarely reflect the truth of what actually happened in the past." "Deep-rooted structural inequality is coming back to bite us" I am striving to finish a PhD for a university system that is on the edge of collapse which makes writing seem pointless, and makes me angry that our government doesn't want anyone to be able to analyse, research or construct a future, let alone a past. I am here writing late at night because my performance job as a classical musician does not exist at the moment - not a stage in the country with a live performance and audience (and yet football and racing is still going ahead). I'm also an instrumental teacher in a private school, and yet not in the public one I used to teach in pre-pandemic. The kids in the public one are so close to the Sydney covid clusters I wonder every minute what may be happening. My university music students are frightened of being on campus, and yet the government says we must go back. What truths are they being told? Will the stories told here in these diaries by ordinary people reflect the truth? The truths of this time and place. We're all scared.

I wasn’t surprised COVID19 happened to the world. Many experts had been predicting a serious virus would hit humanity. I wasn’t surprised either that no country was really prepared. Collectively, humans aren’t very smart. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to understand the illness and keep up with what’s going on worldwide. It’s exhausting. My family hasn’t been affected by sickness or death yet. However, keeping employed has been very difficult for two of my daughters, although I’m so proud how they coped, adapted and ultimately triumphed despite everything thrown at them. My other daughter also adapted well with all her work going online and sorting different childcare arrangements for her 2 year old. My husband and I already had very stressful temporary and casual work situations so nothing much changed there, except we had the benefit of Job Keeper, which felt good for a while. Our parents are elderly and in the UK so we are quite worried about them. Thankfully they aren’t in aged care, but if they get sick, we won’t easily be able to go over and look after them and it will be even harder to return to Australia. We had a great holiday booked for June in the UK as it was my parents 80th birthdays this year. However, it soon became clear that we wouldn’t be able to go. The worst thing was unpicking all the arrangements and trying to recoup the money. It took many months and was quite difficult but eventually we got nearly everything back. I don’t know how we’re going to feel at the point when/if something happens to them, so I try not to think about it. We’ll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it.

One of the ladies in my old people’s Pilates class told us all that when she gets home from her weekly shop, she sprays all her vegetables with vodka to neutralise any Covid germs that might be lingering. I seemed to be the only person in the class who found this strange. Everyone else chimed in with their own vodka-related remedies, none of which had anything to do with drinking the stuff. It seems they all stock up on cheap Aldi vodka. These really are very weird times.

Online learning and learning from home was the worst for me because I was not motivated to do any of the homework for the zoom classes. But the real reason why it was the worst was because during one of my zoom classes I was very rude to the teacher and my school had to call me and tell me that my behaviour had to change quick fast or otherwise there could be serious consequences. When school said that we could go back to proper school I was over the moon which means that I was glad to go back and do proper school learning in a classroom. When it came to see any of my family members it was impossible. I couldn’t go and see my grandparents or even allowed to visit my cousins and aunties and uncles or any other family members that me and my brother and parents couldn’t see during the pandemic this year. My hobbies/activities stayed the same and changed a bit because the only thing that I like to do is watch YouTube or Netflix on my computer and on iPhone but I also couldn't go and see any of my friends from school and we had to stay home all day which made me so very bored but me and my mum did go on short walks to the local cafe near our street and this cafe is called Shuk. So that was my crazy pandemic experience for 2020 but I'm so happy that the pandemic has slowly calmed down and I'm free to see the people that I love and care about and want them to always be apart of my life forever as long as I live in our weird world today with all of the important people in my life.

Stormy weather is calming to the soul. The subtle patter of the rain, the intoxicating scent of petrichor, the small chill to the howling wind. Every element that adds towards rain makes me long for a permanent winter. When the rain begins, you rug up in warm blankets with a hot drink and watch your favourite movies. You can walk in the cool showers and enjoy the way everything glimmers, or jump in the puddles like a playful child. Maybe you'll use this chance to practice driving on wet roads, or allow the sound of droplets hitting your roof to lull you to sleep. Whatever you choose to do, the enjoyment is enhanced by the simple fact that rain is falling. Rain also means the lands and dams can gain a rest from the overpowering drought we're experiencing, or heal from the damage caused by previous bushfires. The plants and animals finally get a drink after weeks on end of using whatever is left on the ground, allowing them to continue a healthy lifestyle. Rain is good. Appreciate it.

August, already, this year is going so fast, yet so slow. The days are merging together, but i do know that its Friday today, and I'm extremely glad that it is. After being isolated for months, I've lost the sense of wqnting to do anything, believing that the only salvation i get is from sleep. Or food. Studying is boring, but considering my last report got me all E's for geography, i think i need to at least try. Stressed out, is what I will feel soon, i have 4 un-completed assignments, one for History, another for my elective history, one for english, and one for science, although my science one was due some time last term. I was unnable to complete it considering how messed up my head was from lockdowm (we got the assignment over lockdown.) Currently in year ten, I will be expected to choose my senior subjects for next year soon, these choices will almost definitely change the course of the rest of my life, that may be a bit exaggerated, but to me, it does feel that bad. Hopefully, the end of this year will come fairly quickly, i hope that 2021 will be better.

It is now August, 5 months ago the entire Nation was situated into lockdown for three months due to the deadly global pandemic, COVID-19. Now five months later I am writing a Diary entry on what affects it has had on my livelihood. Thankfully, my family wasn't in any way affected by the virus, but my favourite sport and hobby was. Basketball is an indoor contact sport, the virus is easily transmitted indoor and through sweat so for the government to cancel all basketball games was a no brainer. These were the only affects that the virus had on me.

Almost done. Five years of work. Five years of persistence, of setbacks. Five miserable years of everyone I know turning their backs on my groundbreaking invention. But now, it's time for payback. Ever since I found a way to link the electrical signals of the human brain to a robotic reader, I was determined to take it further. And with every new creation, another loved one backed out. They threw words at me like knives, trying, hopelessly, to persuade me from continuing. They questioned my morals, called on my ethical views, saying that man and machine were not meant to be joined. And when I ignored them, they turned on me, Insulted me. Discredited me, doing anything to try and prove themselves right. Selfishly acting like children. But now, now is the time for revenge. After five years, I have finally found a way to link two humans together through an electric current. A little tweaking, and it could be used to control conscious thought. The brain would still keep the body alive, keep the heart pumping, lungs expanding, but I would have complete control over their conscious brain. They would be powerless to stop me as I destroyed their lives from within. After five years, revenge is finally within my grasp.

Everyone has something to write in their diary while here i am still thinking what to write.I mean, this day is not really bad and not really good. Me and my friends just played Uno in the library at lunch and that's the enjoyable thing that i did today. It's also raining so my two brothers didn't attend school because they don't feel like it. Mom didn't go to work because she is working at farm and it's hard to work in farm when it is raining you know. But what's good when she didn't work is she can fetch me, but I'm thinking if should i ask her to fetch me or not because i really love walking and i'm thinking to just walk from school to home. Well, maybe if it stops raining then i can just walk while listening to music is the best thing that i'm doing everyday. I love music so much. I listen to music for like 2 hours before i sleep because that can make my anxiety down and feel so good everyday.I also pray before i sleep of course. Nope, Actually when i just remember to pray that's just when i prayed.I actually don't go to church that much not like when i was young. I remember when my grandmother always bring me to church then i like it cause we sing and pray which is really good and of course every time we go to church she always brought me this Filipino food called 'puto'. I admit, that's the reason why every time i want to come with her in the church because of puto. It is really taste good. She can also cook it and i hope she cook some when we plan to come back home on summer.